Words: 1631
Time to read: 9 minutes

I have a couple of things to talk about today, but surprisingly, my life has calmed down by a lot. My ARCs have been up since last Tuesday. I was able to upload them into Bookfunnel for my author website and upload all of them on Booksprout too. My reviewers there haven’t forgotten about me, and 41 out of 50 copies were taken for the first book. The numbers dwindle as the books go, but that’s to be expected–that’s how it is on the sales floor, too. Readers will be able to snag the books for a couple more weeks, but I have the first one set to release on the 16th of September. I haven’t put the preorder links up yet, so they aren’t on Amazon right now. I’m going to wait until I delete my links off my author website and the campaigns close on Booksprout. Since my books are dropping into KU after their preorders end, I’m just being careful. This was a big project for me, and I don’t want to screw it up. Here’s my publishing schedule if Amazon doesn’t give me a hard time:

Cruel Fate, Book One, September 16th, 2024
Cruel Hearts, Book Two, October 28th, 2024
Cruel Dreams, Book Three, December 9th, 2024
Shattered Fate, Book Four, January 20th, 2025
Shattered Hearts, Book Five, March 3rd, 2025
Shattered Dreams, Book Six, April 14th, 2025

I’m a little disappointed more haven’t dowloaded off my website. Books 2-6 have about 9 a piece, and book one has 12. That’s not terrible….if everyone leaves a review when the books release, between what I’m giving away and my Booksprout copies, I could potentially have 50 reviews a book. But, I know since these are spaced out, the potential people will forget is high. Booksprout will send reminder emails, and I’ll write blog post reminders, but there’s only so much you can do. If you want to see what I did with my ARCs and the series page I created on my website, you can look here: https://vmrheault.com/kings-crossing-series/

I’m holding true to my resolution to take a break while my ARCs are up, and I’ve been reading my favorite Nora Roberts book, The Villa. I love the story so much and it was a good choice to dip my toes back into reading. After that I want to read Sadie Kincaid’s Mafia series. I got hooked on those snippets when I was on TikTok trying it out for myself, and I have all of them borrowed in KU. You can find them here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BSQZPJ6H

Going forward, I’m going to try to find more of a balance between reading and writing. Since I saved up my books and the next standalone I’m going to release is in its editing stages, I feel like I have some wiggle room to actually read, go for walks, and spend more time with my kids while I’m getting this next book ready for publication.

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I had another Mayo Clinic appointment on the 23rd, and my MRI showed signs of hysterectomy scarring and the presence of endometriosis. She didn’t recommend exploratory surgery to find out how much (which is the only way to know for sure), and I didn’t want it anyway. So my discomfort comes from nerve damage/scarring/endometriosis. There’s nothing more that can be done unless I want to try an anti-inflammatory diet–that I may look into–and I don’t have another appointment scheduled. I’m welcome to message her anytime, and I will have to next year when my lichen sclerosis cream runs out and I’ll need a refill on my ovary pills sometime next year as well. Whether she’ll want to talk to me during a virtual appointment, I’m not sure as she didn’t mention that, or she could just put the refills through my pharmacies if I’m not feeling any worse than I am now. I mean, I’m not feeling bad, but I’m not feeling good, and it’s disheartening to know that I’ll never feel “normal” again, even though I expected that kind of news before my appointment.

I’m still not drinking, limiting my alcohol intake to two, maybe three, drinks a month. Because of this, my anxiety is still under control, though I do get nervous from time to time. I get a little nauseous sometimes, but that could be from my ovary pills or from the endometriosis, since both cause that. My doctor hugged me when I left and said she was proud of the work I put in to feel better. I’m proud of myself, too, because I lived through some pretty bleak days, but she said she was especially proud I had the self-awareness to know drinking was causing me harm and knew enough to stop. She said some people get into a cycle where they don’t feel good so they drink, and then they feel worse because they’re drinking, and then they drink more because they don’t feel good. I never considered drinking could have such detrimental effects on your mind and body, but I can tell the difference. Now if I have something to drink I sip and savor. Life has changed since my first appointment in February, I’ll tell you that.

So, what’s next for me? I’m going to try to find balance in all ways. My body needs to adjust. I’m still not feeling well from the MRI I had on Friday (ironically, some kind of shot to slow my insides down gave me diarrhea), and I didn’t take the next day off to rest after my appoinments and traveling home so I worked all weekend. I’m going to try to walk more, especially now that the weather will be cooling down here shortly. My stamina is crap and I’ve gained a lot of weight since 2020. My series is done besides putting the books up on Amazon, so that’s a relief, and I’m going to try to find the joy I lost. Writing and publishing was more of a job I hated than something I started because I loved it, but that’s only because I used it to hide from how I was feeling. There’s no reason to do that anymore. I’ll never feel normal again, but I know the reasons why and that’s huge when it comes to my mental health. It’s scary when you’re sick and no one can tell you why, and they don’t want to find out for you, either.

It’s still in the back of my mind to write up my experiences and publish them in hopes of helping other women like me. One website said that women who have vulva lichen sclerosis live with it for 5-15 years before being diagnosed. I had it for four and felt like I was going out of my mind. I had other issues, like my ovaries out of whack because of my hysterectomy, but even so, women’s medical care leaves a lot to be desired, and if telling my story could help someone, then I think I should do it. I’d like to do it soon while all the details are fresh in my mind, but regurgitating all that could be triggering too. I’ll never forget the callous way my doctors treated me. Even lying to me in some cases, and being treated like that is just as difficult as living with whatever is hurting you. What’s sad is that I know people have been treated far worse than I have, and though I’ll never feel normal again, people live with worse pain, conditions, and symptoms than what I have. I have a lot to be grateful for after all is said and done and in the coming months and years I’ll be looking for peace to come to terms with what I’ve gone through.

I’m not sure how this will affect my writing, if it will. I don’t feel like writing and publishing is as important as they once were. I was using it as a shield to hide from how I was feeling, and I don’t need to do that anymore. I can write because I want to. I can publish because I’m proud of the story and want people to read it, not because I need the distraction and something to do to forget how crappy I feel. It will be interesting to see if I can find that joy again, the joy I had for writing and publishing prior to 2020, or if I’m so different now after those negative experiences that I’ll never feel the same way. I did the cover for the standalone I’m releasing next year, and it makes me excited for the book. I know I need the break though, a real break, so I’m not going to jump into editing it. Finding balance will be harder than it sounds, but I have to remind myself that it’s okay to slow down and rest. With as abysmal as my sales are, there’s no reason to rush anyway. No one’s buying and it could be a combination of things, but the bottom line is the books and readers will always be there so there’s no harm in taking some time for myself.

Anyway, that’s all I have for today. At some point I’m going to write the instructions on how to create an ebook cover out of the PDF full cover book wrap. A couple people have read my blog post on how to make a full wrap in Canva and they asked for directions on how to turn that PDF into an ebook cover. It’s quite simple, really, but it will be good to have those instructions out there, I think.

Have a good Monday, everyone! Take care of yourselves, and take a break! You’ll be thankful you did.