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There has been a lot of talk about author cliques on Threads lately, and while I didn’t feel the need to contribute to those conversations, I do have a lot of thoughts about friendships that I’ve collected over the ten years I’ve been doing this. Not friendships. Thoughts. Though, I guess, maybe friendships too. Friendships are complicated, made even more so by expectations and reciprocation. Here’s a breakdown of what I think friendships, coworkers, and cliques are, and if you’ve been at this for a while, in the comments you can tell me if you agree or what you’d add to the conversation.

Indie Friends
When I first got into the writing community, I made lots of friends. That was back when I was writing my high fantasy series that will never see the light of day. Anyway, I thought, “I should join Twitter so once it’s ready, I’ll have readers.” It was a naïve way of thinking at best, but even back then I was aware that I would need some kind of marketing strategy once my books were released. I already had a Twitter account made from when I was in school for human resources and I changed the focus of my profile from HR connections to the writing community. There I made lots of friends, joined chats like #​1linewed and #​2bittues and even made my own chat called #smutchat. The tweets are still there if you search the hashtag. Anyway, so I got in with a group of people, some of whom I still talk to today, and life was good. We beta read for each other, retweeted each other’s tweets, and everyone supported my blog when I first started writing it.

Of course there were the usual troubles when it came to those friendships. Some of them became one-sided, some people dropped off because they stopped writing. (One of my friends even had to deactivate his Twitter account because a person he had grown close to started stalking him. Yikes!) Some people you just learn you don’t really mesh with and you stop talking to them or they stop talking to you. I definitely had my share of rocky relationships, some of which I’ve documented on this blog over the years, notably when you mix business with friendship: https://vaniamargene.com/2019/03/11/when-friends-turn-into-business-partners-sometimes-it-doesnt-work-out/

Some of the talk I’ve been seeing alluded to the idea that if you don’t have the “right” kinds of friends, they can’t/won’t help you propel your book business to the next level. I’ve reached out to a couple people here and there who I’ve met on Threads and they weren’t too interested even after posting they were looking for friends. It wasn’t until this morning in the shower that I realized it was because they probably took a look at my socials and sales and realized being friends with me wouldn’t get them anywhere. It was an “oh, shit” moment, but it didn’t hurt my feelings. If all they want to do is use me, I don’t need them as friends anyway.

When I was at my Twitter “peak,” I had a different kind of friendship experience. What I found out was that making friends on Twitter wasn’t the same as finding your readers, and some people I know still get caught in the trap of making author friends with the idea that those authors will buy their books. They confuse making friends and networking with marketing and that only ends in frustration.

The indie author friends I was making wrote all different kinds of genres, were happy to boost my work and support my blog and I reciprocated. Those times are gone and I haven’t replaced the real friends I lost. While I have made connections, I’ve come to realize those people are coworkers, and if you have a day job, you know, and hopefully not through trial and error, your coworkers aren’t your friends.

Coworkers
Coworkers are what people mean when they say you should be networking in your genre. Coworkers are going to be the connections that offer things like newsletter swaps, promo opportunities, anthology opportunities and more. They help you with ads, they might beta read for you or put you in touch with who they use. They help you find ARC readers and open the door to things like book conventions. They’re like Deb in they cubby next to you. She’s not your friend but she’s happy to tell you about what went on in the meeting you missed because you were sick.

What a lot of authors get confused is that these coworkers are not your friends. They don’t touch base on a daily basis. You don’t talk to them about your kids. They don’t text you privately or want to meet you in person if they happen to be in your area. We all know what friends are, and these people are not it. But, to have these kinds of coworkers, you also have to be pulling your own weight, meaning, your books are selling and you have your own opportunities and experiences to share. You do your share of the work in anthology compilations and book blasts, and you can do your share because you’ve put in the work to have a large newsletter, Facebook group, and reader base. You bring something to the table and you share the sides with the other authors who also have something to bring to the table.

When I see authors complain about not being invited into networking circles, I can take a look at what they’re doing and know right away why no one wants to work with them. They don’t have an author platform, they don’t have a newsletter. They don’t have a solid backlist that’s selling. They haven’t worked on an individual basis to get the results they need to get invited into the group. No one wants to do your work for you. I know that puts some authors in a quandary because they say they can’t get to that level without help, but you can make headway on your own with social media, ads, and publishing consistently and in one genre. Start smaller and network with authors who are at your level. Grow together and you’ll naturally expand your professional network.

On a smaller, more personal scale, maybe you know how to format and you format for others, either out of kindness or you charge a small fee that’s less than what a professional formatter would charge. Then you don’t hear from that person again until she needs another book formatted. I have quite a few acquaintances I’ve made because I offer help, they take it, and I don’t hear from them again until/unless they need something else. It was actually a surprise to realize they aren’t friends, they’re coworkers, but it’s helpful to know where the line is. Not everyone needs to be your friend. Maybe someday they’ll remember I helped them and pass along an opportunity, but I didn’t offer to help with the idea they would reciprocate. I wanted to help because editing, formatting, and designing covers keeps my skills sharp for when I need to work on my own books.

Unfortunately, I’m still living in a time when I was on Twitter and we all did happily for each other. I don’t think we can ever go back to the way things were and over the past couple of years I’ve been getting used to being an island. You can’t get jaded. If Deb brings peanut butter cookies to put in the breakroom and you have a peanut allergy, just remember your workplace isn’t where you should be making friends anyway.

Cliques
This brings us to cliques. I must not get out enough, because honestly, I haven’t had much exposure to cliques. What I have bumped into online is romance authors who have been writing and publishing for years, who are friends and have been for that same amount of time. They can appear as cliques because they have that history of friendship, but not only that, their careers grew successfully at the same time keeping them on the same playing field professionally. You can say that’s because they had each other’s help, but that’s not necessarily true. What you’re writing has to hit the market, your writing style has to resonate with readers. No number of friendships can help you do that.

When I think of cliques, I think of their members as unkind, and I haven’t met any romance authors that have been truly unkind to me. I used to listen to a romance marketing chat on Clubhouse (that they stopped because it was too much work to keep going) and the hosts were friends and seemed like they had been for years. All the speakers and anyone else who contributed were very nice and eager to share their knowledge and experiences. The same goes for the book blasts I’ve been a part of, and when I do those, I always make graphics to share on social media so others can use if they don’t have time to make their own and post the blast everywhere I can to pull my own weight.

Of course, I haven’t elevated myself to be coworkers or acquaintances of huge romance authors like LJ Shen or Melanie Harlow, but I haven’t wanted or needed to approach them, either. I’ve traded a comment here and there with authors like Lindsay Buroker, Zoe York, and Elana Johnson, and EL James actually responded to a comment I made on her post on Threads, and everyone is very nice. I don’t approach people wanting something because that’s never been who I am and I think the bigger the author is the stronger their BS radar is and they know if you’re just looking to use them.

So, I don’t think author cliques truly exist, not in the negative way some authors say they do because they’re resentful they can’t crack the code to be invited in.

And cracking the code to be invited in will only get harder as time goes on. I mean, let’s be honest here. No one wants to talk to you if you support the orange clown. No one will want to talk to you if you use AI to write or use AI for your covers. No one will want to talk to you if you don’t respect your peers and insist on leaving bad reviews for the books you’ve read. Authors are guarding their space more than ever before and because of that you’re in for a harder time proving yourself. That’s something I can totally understand. Our president is tearing this country apart and I don’t want to talk to anyone who supports him either.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is join Facebook groups in your genre and get to know people there. Making friends, good friends, will take time. Share resources, share experiences. Learn from the people you’re networking with and let those relationships grow. Oftentimes I’ve complained about feeling lonely, though that has gotten better as my health improved, and I know that I don’t do enough to expand my circle. I should be participating in romance groups, offering to do newsletter swaps with my small blog, beta read, and format if needed. But right now I’m juggling a few things and don’t have the energy for that. That is also something else you’ll have to take into consideration. How much time and energy do you have to nurture new relationships? Don’t take if you can’t give.

Next week I’ll talk about where I ended up when I started on that path of friending writers and authors who weren’t writing romance.

Hint: It’s not a bad place.

Talk to you next week!